Relationships are Like Tennis
A young couple met their freshman year of college and soon became great friends. Both were full-time students and had part-time jobs, but very little discretionary income for things like dating.
They were both good tennis players and since they had unlimited access to the campus courts, they played a lot of tennis together. Something they found early on was that not keeping score allowed them to talk more as they played, making their time more enjoyable.
Rather than winning, the goal was to see how long they could keep the ball in play. Soon they could keep both the ball and the conversation going for hours.
Years later, that couple will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary soon.
Relationships can be a lot like tennis. The presumptive goal is to win the point, the game, the set, and the match. If we win enough matches, then we will be a champion—and whoever is the champion must be the best.
That is until someone better comes along and challenges them. And we wonder why we go through life lonely and tired!
How did it get this way?
Somewhere along the way, our culture adopted the mindset that everything in life is objectively right or wrong, good or bad.
We look to celebrities and social media to inform us as to how to think in any given situation. If a movie star switches from one style to another, a fashion trend follows. If a professional golfer chooses a new putter, a trend is started.
Do we ever wonder if a multi-million dollar endorsement was behind their choice? Or do we ever allow for personal preference? Do we ever think that what is best for one person may not always be best for everyone?
Think of how this mindset spills over into personal relationships. Rather than offering a personal opinion that promotes conversation thoughts are offered as empirical fact.
If someone offers a different opinion, then it’s game on until someone proves their position, or the other person surrenders. The goal has become to win the point not to maintain the relationship.
Keeping the Ball in Play
“Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.”
Proverbs 13:10, NIV
This verse teaches that any time there is conflict there is pride, and wherever pride is found there will be conflict. Pride insists on being right, and allows no room for any other opinion than its own. The only remedy for pride is humility.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4, NIV
“All of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
1 Peter 5:5, NIV
Pride says it’s all about us. Humility says it’s all about God and others.
Pride insists on proving a point. Humility learns from others.
Pride exalts self. Humility builds relationships.
Pride demands to be understood. Humility seeks to understand.
Pride looks for blame. Humility looks for solutions.
God resists pride. He blesses humility.
Stop Keeping Score
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2, NIV
The value system of the world is self-centered, seeks to be first, looks out for number one, uses people and love things.
Conversely, God’s perfect will is that we love Him first and foremost and then love others. He tells us that life is about relationships more than things, and that he who would be first let him be last. Jesus came to free us from the enslavement of the world by teaching us to think differently, to think Biblically, and to conform to His value system.
Old habits can be hard to break. If we are in the habit of viewing relationships as contests, proving our points, and keeping score we may want to try something different. We may want to try getting to know other people, build relationships, and enjoy seeing things from other points of view.
Seeing how long we can keep a conversation going rather than how quickly we can conquer another opponent. Stop keeping score. We may find that God’s way of playing the game leads to true and lasting happiness, while the world’s way leads to empty victories and lonely misery